Club Songs/Games

I can't remember them all, so can anyone who has extra verses/songs which I haven't included please add to them so I can get a section up on the website, because based on this version of Men Of Sheffield, they've taken quite a pounding in recent times!

Beard xxx

Men Of Sheffield:

Men of Sheffield don't you worry
If your beer goes in a hurry
We will go and have a curry
Sheffield men are we!

Chicken, Mushroom, Steak and Kidney;
Sheffield men eat pies-a-plenty,
Then we wash them down with Tetleys,
Sheffield men are we!

London, Paris, San Francisco,
Even been to Sorby disco,
Not afraid to take a risk - oh!
Sheffield men are we!

Sheffield women, they are foxy,
We will take them to the Roxy,
We don't care if they are poxy,
Sheffield men are we!

Autumn, Winter, Summer terms,
Our penises are full of (germs/sperms?)...not too sure on this verse

Sheffield men, oh Sheffield men, oh,
Sheffield men, oh Sheffield men, oh,
Sheffield men, oh Sheffield men, oh,
Sheffield men are we!

Chicago

(Chorus/Main bit of the song)

(All)
I used to work in Chicago, in an old department store
I used to work in Chicago I don't work there anymore

Verses (one person nominated)

(One): A woman came into the store one day asking for an oriental optical device
(All): An oriental optical device from the store?
(One): An oriental optical device she wanted, my Japs Eye she got!
(All): CHORUS

Examples of various verses:

A woman came into the store one day asking for a semi-aquatic perspiring mammal
A semi-aquatic perspiring mammal she wanted, a sweaty beaver she got!

A woman came into the store one day asking for the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Authority
The DVLA she wanted, D.V.D.A she got!

A woman came into the store one day asking for a rotary aircraft with vertical take-off capabilities
A rotary aircraft with vertical take-off capabilities she wanted, my Chopper she got!

A woman came into the store one day asking for help
Help she wanted, AIDS she got!

A woman came into the store one day asking for the winged messenger of the gods
Hermes she wanted, Herpes she got!

A woman came into the store one day asking for a turkey
A turkey she wanted, a stuffing she got!


A woman came into the store one day asking for a Chinese man
A Chinese Man she wanted, my Wang she got!

The Sexual Life Of...

Verse:

(One): The Sexual Life of a Camel
(All): A Camel
(One): Is stranger than anyone thinks
(All): One thinks
(One): At the height of the mating season
(All): The Season
(One): It tries to bugger the Sphinx, but the Sphinx's posterior orifice
(All): Orifice
(One): Is clogged up with sand from the Nile, which explains the hump on the camel, and the Sphinx's inscrutible smile

Chorus:

(All):
Bum Titty Titty, Bum Titty Titty, Titty Bum.
Bum Titty Titty, Bum Titty Titty Ay
'Cause we're all friends together, that's why we go round in pairs
And we're all friends together, excuse us while we go upstairs.

Other verses:

The Sexual Life of **** (name of overweight member of club/any prop) Is stranger than anyone thought
At the height of the mating season, Porn was all that he bought
**** spends all of his free time, Eating and wanking with style
Which is why his forearms are massive, And his belt is as long as the Nile

The sexual life of a Bullfrog, is hard to comprehend
At the height of the mating season, he tried to bugger his friend
But his friend's posterior orifice, was clogged up with pondweed and slime
Which explains...(I have forgotten the rest...anyone???)

Tampax Factory

Chorus (All):
Oh we all work in a Tampax factory,
Shout out your numbers loud and clear (loud and clear)
We've got small, medium, large, super-duper, fills a barge,
When the end of the month comes around.

Example Verses:

You can tell by the flies that are buzzing round her thighs,
When the end of the month comes around...


Does anyone have any more, I've not sung this since tour!

Sheffield Medics from the North
(to the tune of Star Wars)

Chorus:

We are Medics, Sheffield Medics
Sheffield Medics, From the North

We are carriers of Syphilis and AIDS...
I have forgotten the entire middle eight - old boys?
...Pint of beer, a curry and a fight...

[REPEAT CHORUS]

My Father

Verse:

(One): My Father's an accountant
(All): An Accountant?
(One): An Accountant
(All): And a very fine accountant is He
(One): All day he fiddles taxes
(All): Fiddles Taxes?
(One): Fiddles Taxes
(All): And when he comes home he fiddle me

Chorus:

I've forgotten...I think it's hey diddle diddle??

Examples of Verses:

My Father's a chippie
All day he batters sausages

My Father's a jockey
All day he rides horses

My father's a gynaecologist
All day he fingers women

My Father's a mechanic
All day he screws bolts in

My Father's a cleaner
All day he sucks dust up

My Father's a dentist
All day he fills teeth

My Father's a builder
All day he lays piping

My Father's an ice-cream tester
All day he licks ice creams

My Father's a benefits cheat
All day he bums around

My Father's a banker
All day he fucks up the world's financial markets

My Father's a handy-man
All day he bangs nails in

My Father's a rapist
All day he rapes women

you can tell by the taste that her uterus lining has gone to waste, when the end of the month comes around!!! WAY AY AY AY AY!!!

(Sung to the tune of "Daisy") a good one for the coach

Daisy, Daisy,
Give me your answer do.
I'm half crazy,
Six inches into you.

It won't be a stylish entry,
I can't afford a frenchie.
But you'll look sweet,
Between the sheets,
When I'm six inches into you.

Blown too much of me time buying dinner and wine
And me money on flowers and lollies
Only to find that what's on me mind
Isn't on hers and she's sorry
So I've made up some lines that save wastin' time
And keep me from blowin' me brass
I'm ever so cool I just prop on the stool
Right next to hers and I ask:


Chorus
'Do you fcuk on first dates?
Does your dad own a brewery?
Could I feel your tits?
Or would you show 'em to me?
Cause you've you've got a nice head
And you look pretty honest
So me face'll be leavin' in a quarter of an hour--
I'd like you to be on it'


Verse 2
You know how it feels when you first meet a sheila
And the bullshit you've gotta go through
Like callin' her up and tellin' her you love her
When all that you'd love is just to screw
But she wants to hold hands and you to meet her old man
And sit around for hours and talk
But me new method is, you just cut through the shit
And get down to the goodies straight off:


Chorus
'Do you fcuk on first dates?
Does your dad own a brewery?
Could I feel your tits?
Or would you show 'em to me?
Do you sleep in the nick?
Do you give head very often?
If we can decide, your place or mine
We can fcuk off then'


Verse 3
So the next time you see a good-lookin' sheila
And you'd give a week's pay just to hold her
Don't sit acting dumb, just front her full-on
And drop a few lines like I told you
This new method of mine might not work every time
But then again no method will
I've been spat at and slapped, and kneed in the knackers
But then I've got a few fcuks as well


Chorus
'Do you fcuk on first dates?
Does your dad own a brewery?
Could I feel your tits?
Or would you show 'em to me?
If the answer is 'No'
To me questions above --
Then be a good sport and give me the name
Of a girlfriend who does!'

The 2nd and 3rd verses of men of sheffield are in the wrong order.

Autumn Winter Summer terms
Our penises are full of germs
and we'll pump women full of sperms Oh!
Sheffield Men are we

I think this is the full 5th verse.

Everyone in the club should know this, not just the first 2 verses.
Also, i think the tradition of singing the other team off is great, I hope that carries on! Essential after all victories, and definitey good after defeats too, cheers you up and helps you focus on the last to come!

also .lyrics to tampax factory are all wrong! sort it out beard

Sam wrote:also .lyrics to tampax factory are all wrong! sort it out beard

Will do.

Those ones I posted are bound to have mistakes...but once they go on the website in the form of the club songbook, they'll be sitting pretty!